My Dearest Donald,
First, let me say how deeply touched I was to receive your letter. I read it under moonlight with a warm glass of yak’s milk, and I must confess… I felt things. Memories. Fireworks in Singapore. That weird handshake moment in the DMZ. The way you told me I had the “most respected nuclear program in the world.” No one ever said that to me before. Not even my generals.
I want you to know: you were special to me. Truly. No one complimented my missiles like you did. They were “big and beautiful,” you said. That meant something.
But, Donald… I have to tell you something. And I hope you can be strong — like you were during your second impeachment trial. 🥺
Vlad and I are… together now.
It just happened. We didn’t plan it. One day we were testing hypersonics side by side, and the next we were talking late into the night about history and annexation and legacy. He said I reminded him of a young Stalin, and… I don’t know, it just clicked.
We’ve decided to take things to the next level. I’ve sent thousands of my troops to support his operations in Ukraine. I know how that sounds, and I know how it hurts — but I need you to understand: this is a strategic partnership. It’s not just about him. It’s also about me.
You once told me I was strong enough to stand up to the whole world. But Vlad told me I could conquer it. And sometimes a girl needs to hear that.
Please don’t think the flame has died. 🕯️ You will always be my first summit. My first love who ever called me a “rocket man” and meant it as a compliment.
Maybe someday, when the wars are over and the sanctions are lifted and the NATO dogs stop barking… maybe we could find each other again. Older. Wiser. More radioactive.
Until then, be safe. Eat well. And please — don’t tweet anything embarrassing. History is watching.
With sincere admiration,
Kim Jong Un
Supreme Leader of the DPRK ✨🔥☢️
P.S. Tell Melania I say hello. She always looked so scared around you — I found that endearing. ❤️
Love is a battlefield. But in Trump’s case, it’s also a handwritten letter, a shattered ego, and a quiet scream for relevance. Subscribe to read the wreckage.
This post has been syndicated from Closer to the Edge, where it was published under this address.